April Fool

For once I have been scouring FB. This is not my normal habit. As a rule I look at the first three posts that pop up and then close the app. I became hooked after seeing an April Fool post and then I started looking for others. I was duly rewarded. There have been so many wonderful April Fool jokes - all well thought out and receiving serious comments from those who were caught out. The comments were as funny as the posts themselves. It is great to see people putting in the effort to keep the tradition going. 

I didn't play any tricks this year. I used to prepare my tricks weeks ahead of time. There was the rubber cockroach  that looked quite realistic.- that was a joke that ran and ran. Probably I don't do silly things because I am growing up at last.

On a bigger scale, America serves a daily diet of humour - except it is really ridiculous and sadly it affects all our lives. It is not actually funny. How can so many Americans have chosen such a stupid president? In less than eighty days he has destroyed institutions, made enemies of friends and wilfully misunderstood world affairs. Dickhead doesn't cover the extent of his stupidity. Worse still, our politicians here in the UK fawn over his every move. It is difficult not to laugh even though it is scary that a collective group of extremely rich, silly men have the power to bully the rest of the world. 

At least Trump has shown himself to be a failure. He said he would end the Ukraine war on Day One of his presidency. He has failed spectacularly. Nor has he sorted out Gaza - neither will Trump Tower M.E. style grow out of the rubble which is a blessing to us all. This world needs more normal - boring but everyday normal. 

Sophie, John and Naser in the April sunshine

Nataliia and Philip

Ita on the balcony in an arty shot

Finally, amidst visits from friends  - something I always appreciate, I have fended of an aggressive publisher which I didn't appreciate. I won't name the company but I give this man full marks for determination. Danielle was with me when the last sales push blasted me. There is no polite way to say this. He wouldn't take "no" for an answer. As Sophie is on the same path to publishing, I have shared my ups and downs of navigating this minefield. I have come to see marketing and distribution key to my needs so I'll start here. Did you know I am publishing a book? Oh... and it will be available in a bookshop near you! This is not an April Fool.

Like Mr Magnolia

Mr Magnolia has only one boot – so do I now. I went down to Kent this week to have my highly decorated cast cut off. When my leg was at last exposed after seven weeks of imprisonment in plaster of paris it looked as if it belonged to a lizard. I was fitted with a magnificent boot that has velcro clamps on each side to keep my ankle in a fixed position and then set off for home. I am new to this boot and frustrated at how easily the velcro sticks to all the wrong bits. Getting it on is not easy as I grapple with bits that stick to parts of the boot they shouldn’t and as the boot is new, the velcro still has a locktight clench. It is a battle of mammoth proportions I endure every time I want to walk out of the door. The good news is I do not need to wear this in the shower or around the home but I still need one crutch to help me get around outside. Some ups and some downs to get over. At least I am at the next stage and on the mend.

I saw the state of my leg for the first time in seven weeks when the cast was removed. As soon as I got in from the hospital, I jumped in the shower to wash off the dead skin from where my cast was. I scrubbed and then applied body lotion. So far, so good. Then I woke up this morning to a snowstorm of dead skin in the bed. I went through the same process of cleaning off the skin. Then I changed the bedding. I went swimming. I took my boot off at the pool and another snowstorm of skin fell out all over the floor in the foyer. Argh and oh, how embarrassing.

At least the swim should have got rid of the excess. It didn’t. I washed it off in the shower, dried myself and still more skin rubbed off. At this rate, I’ll have lost about two inches of leg with all that I am shedding. This really is not nice. Now that I can see my scar. I have one the shape of an “L” on my right heel. I feel this could lead to future confusion, especially as I have two left feet.

For seven weeks I have been wearing odd socks – a big fluffy one over the cast and a normal one on the left foot. Now I can wear two the same. For all my life I have paired socks up before I put them away. There was no point doing this while I had the cast on so now I have the new challenge of matching up pairs once more. What a faff. I’m convinced the black hole that swallows socks has been busy in my home of late.

I have also realised I need different trousers. Before, they had to be baggy enough to go over the cast. Now they can be tight to my skin to go inside the boot. Dealing with a bad leg is all too much to think about. Perhaps I’d be happier if I just spent my days in a dressing gown. And just like Mr. Magnolia I could get a rusty of trumpet to annoy the neighbours.

Mothers' Day was pretty special... memorable for a very chocolately ice cream at Bicester Village. This was the first ever ice cream that Mattaya had tasted. Now she is totally addicted. Later on she saw two women eating a cone and reached out to them drooling. Definitely addicted!

The first ever ice cream.  The slippery slope to decadence.

The book is all but finished. I promised myself an end of March deadline and I have done it. Just like when I walked out of my final exam of my masters, I feel bereft. When you have engaged with something with intensity it leaves a hole when it is done... Just editing now...

 

This will be the last time

Decorated by Ezra-Mae

This is the last week my right leg will be in a full cast. Next week I move to a boot and hopefully then I'll be able to start swimming once more. The last seven weeks have been quite a journey mentally and on many occasions I have had to remind myself that I have made progress even though I am limited because my ankle is in a fixed position. I can waddle around the house without a crutch. I can shower standing up and I can take a cup of coffee downstairs very slowly. Small steps indeed.

Purely from frustration, I considered trying my bike out but couldn't work out how to take the crutches with me. I have driven though. I take the boot off and use my toes on the pedal. While I still can't do much in the garden, I have managed to stay clear of plant pots so I can report less carnage in my wake. 

Surviving plants

I even took myself off shopping for groceries. All went well until I needed to push the trolley to the car. It was easy enough to get around the supermarket wheeling over smooth floor but the carpark was a very different kettle of fish. The trolley would not steer straight. I was exhausted trying to move forward with one hand steering and the other gripping a crutch. Once again the sun shone down on me and a lady offered to push my trolley to the car. Everyone is so nice when you need a bit of help. The whole world deserves a very big thank you!

I have had company again this week. It is always lovely to have people around. Diane and Jeremy popped over impromptu. I am in competition with Diane on the bad leg front. I think she is still ahead of me and could outpace me in a race! I introduced her to Danielle's domino game that we are teaching Ezra-Mae. Diane beat me at that too. No justice! We had a lovely takeaway curry - Thank you! - and watched Conclave - Brilliant. 

On a more serious note, I am still writing Naser's story. It dominates my thinking. I am learning a lot about me.  I think I have discovered my writing process. I liken it to planting a garden. You start with an empty plot and plant a few seeds here and there. As they grow, you move them around and then notice gaps where much larger plants fit. Then comes the pruning! At this late stage I am still adding a few seeds. One day it will bloom. 

Danielle asked me to go along with her to a psychic fair on Sunday. In my mind, I thought there would be people peddling crystals and beautifully crafted tarot cards. How wrong could I have been. The room had about eight tables with people offering readings. I am quite cynical about things like this but signed up to have a reading with Ricky. We got off to a slow start as he had mislaid his phone so inwardly I wondered how psychic he really was if he didn't know where he last had it. Joking aside, I asked the cards whether I would be a successful author. I was very guarded in my responses to any questions he asked as I did not want to lead him to know what I was writing about. Weirdly he told me both the story and the background to it. Definitely a doo-be-doo-be-doo moment.  

In many ways I keep myself busy. Around the same time that I have got moving, Mattaya has also got mobile. She has started crawling and pulling herself up on the furniture. Once more my house has become a minefield of dangers for inquisitive little ones. I need to get moving to keep her safe. This has come at a time when Ezra-Mae is getting very sensible despite having a Nana like me as a role model. 

Rejection

Happy about Spring!

In a week that begins to look like lots of other weeks in my life, I had one really busy day at the London Book Fair. My aim was to dip my one good toe in the water to see if I could find a publisher for my book. I set off from my little village for the train station on my crutches knowing that it would be a long day hobbling. I pre-planned my route round Olympia to reduce the amount of travel and I thought I had the ideal bag for getting to things quickly while holding two crutches – I don’t think there is an easy-access bag designed for those who wield crutches. Have I spotted a gap in the market?

Each time I dug down for something from my rucksack, my crutches inevitably fell on the ground and someone would rush over to help me. Actually, I am quite adept at squatting on my one good leg and picking stuff up from the floor. Other things are much more difficult. Waiting for lifts instead of popping up stairs is much harder for me to deal with. I now realise that I am the sort of person I hate to be behind in a crowded place. More patience is needed for this.

The fair itself was quite overwhelming. The hall was chokka with literary types. Lots of people on their badges announced themselves as authors – something I aspire to. I just put myself down as being a writer and editor. Nothing too grand! My contact at the fair was really helpful and again this helped by directing me to the best people to have a conversation with. All those I spoke to were really positive about my book and so far I have one rejection. This rejection was so complimentary and was written so nicely I wanted to jump up and down on my bed except that would have hurt my leg. I just bounced a bit and smiled a lot.

The journey home was not without incident. My train was cancelled. Hanging around on the station, I met a magazine owner who gave me his details – another positive link there – and a woman who whose initials are LB and she lives in LB! For once, hanging around waiting wasn’t a bad experience despite the nip in the air. I got to Wolverton Station and seeing the steep stairs to the bridge over the railway line made want to hunker down on a bench and wait til I had regained some energy. This is where I think the world smiles on us. One of the passengers took one of my crutches and walked slowly up and over the bridge with me. In my temporary state of invalidity, so many people rush to help. Thank you…

Meanwhile, back on the home front, I have seen lots of my grand daughters again this week. At my place, I accidentally let Mattaya bump her head on the coffee table. She loves standing holding on to fingers, unfortunately she made a drunken lurch forward while holding on to me. Whoops… This is probably the initiation she needed to my accident-prone life. Ezra-Mae still remembers the post box incident. I think this serves as a warning to the dangers of being with Nana! Just wait til I am back on two legs.

 

and... so it goes...

Last week Danielle took me along the road of cones to the land of potholes. This week, I thought life would be much quieter. I was wrong. On Monday evening Danielle wanted to take me out for a meal. I could hardly refuse. Any change of environment means excitement.- small joys and all that.  She suggested Mii&U. We went there. It was closed. So we popped into Wolverton where most of the eating places there were closed too. It was a Monday after all. Danielle particularly wanted noodles. We ended up in a little Chinese place opposite the church. It was authentic. All the nether ends of animal featured on the menu – not my idea of appetizing but authentic nevertheless! Because everything had soya, I did not eat at all. Danielle had braised beef and noodles with fried egg and sausage. The sausage reminded me of my “rat” incident – nuff said!

Ezra-Mae and Mattaya shared Danielle’s meal. We left the restaurant and the first thing Ezra-Mae did was throw up over the pavement. From finishing her meal to being sick took about five minutes. We laughed but not at Ezra-Mae. The whole evening had been a laugh-out-loud disaster. The girls were still hungry, Danielle couldn’t eat the meat as it had uncertain origins and I had nothing but tap water. Mmmm… not going near there ever!

Tuesday, Sophie came to visit. We went to the pub, sat in the beer garden and soaked up the Spring sunshine while sipping vino. This was a much more congenial trip. Now I am on crutches, I can get around the village – just. Getting to the pub is now a doddle. On my first circuit, I struggled getting up the slope after the Horse Tunnel. Two men on bikes followed me through and offered to give me a piggyback up the hill. How nice! I must have looked like a maiden in distress. Every day little things get easier, although it still surprises me how quickly I tire.

Tuesday night I got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet when I noticed muddy cat paw prints all over the floor of my shower. I was convinced they were not  there when I went to bed. Was the cat still in my house? I spent the rest of the night listening out for noises of cat. This would not have been the first time I have had feline visitors – but never at night before. I never did find the cat and despite this, it still ruined my sleep. Errrr.

G&T chocolate and big glasses of G&T

Wednesday – Anita came to stay – her promise was to clean my house. We did the shopping that I was going to do on Monday until the meal when tits up. No problem. All sorted on that front. I made a generous gin and tonic as I was making dinner. I forgot which bit of the pouring I had got to and poured a double double… After dinner we played chess with one dodgy piece. I had actually dropped the original bit under the coffee table – whoops. I won. In revenge Anita fell over my bad leg! 

Spot the difference

The next day – still standing, we made it to the village coffee morning. On the way home, I struggled once more to climb up the slope from the Horse Tunnel. There were two men nearby both protesting they were older than the other – where can one find a knight in shining armour when I need a piggyback?

I have since been up a small step ladder to weed a bit of my garden that is on top of the bin shed. I now know I can do steps with crutches. This is progress! One step at a time. 

Failed repair job- the lead burnt out on my vacuum cleaner. errrr

Potholes and Traffic Cones

The road I refer to is the M25. If ever there was a road not fit for purpose, that is it. My hospital is in Kent so each visit is quite a trek but well worth it. Danielle, my chauffer for this trip, drove with consummate skill, scoring 98% on my insurance app and entertained two small girls at the same time – brilliant! Along the way we came across so many cones and traffic restrictions but no workmen. I would put money on it that nothing had happened to the roadworks since the first time I went to visit. If we had been in Singapore the entire orbital would have been completely retarmacked before 3am one morning and traffic would be flowing as normal by rush hour. Why can’t we be more like that?

We stayed overnight in Maidstone at a hotel with a swimming pool so the girls could have a swim. I sat on a lounger with my leg propped up, silently criticising people’s swimming styles. Misery had set in. I wanted to show them. Errrrr. I want to swim!

After swim!

I warned Danielle before we set off that potholes in Kent are so much worse than round where I live. There are lots of very narrow lanes around the hospital and all of them are pitted with gaping holes, large enough to damage the chassis. Very quickly she got used to swerving and turning the trip into a slalom. Where are those men from Singapore to fix our roads? 

This week my trip to Benenden was to have my back slab removed and a full cast put on. If I had left the back slab on for much longer, it would have disintegrated. Almost every morning I needed to rewrap it as the bandage came loose while I slept. Having a full cast is progress as I can now put my foot on the ground. It’s a bit painful but it is so much better. I can even hold half a cup of coffee and move now - happiness almost restored. The wound from the op is about three inches long and is healing nicely according to the experts.

I also have a “boot” to put over the plaster. I am not sure how well I will get on with this as my toes hang over the front of it. The size up fitted me like a clown’s shoe which would have been a trip hazard. For now walking through puddles is not going to happen.

Being on two feet has made it possible for me to tidy up the kitchen and use the dishwasher. Again, this is a big bonus. Meanwhile, when I am not spending half the morning doing something that used to take me ten minutes, I am writing Naser’s story – hopefully for publication. To date, I have written more words about one thing than I have ever written before. Being limited in moving around is a bonus when writing a book!

Thump Trump is my meme from now on. Thump baby, Thump. I was heartened to see the crowds welcoming Zelenskyy in London and the thousands waving Ukrainian flags in the USA. I bet the Zelenskyy meeting with King Charles was the equivalent of the middle finger. Diplomacy 101. 

Hitting the Road

 

Full throttle in Tescos 

With a bit of planning Danielle drove me in my car to Tesco. It felt like a grand day out as it was the furthest I had been since the operation. Tesco is no big deal but just like COVID times it represented a change of scene. I was determined not to have a wheelchair to get round the shop. To me this would be a sign of giving in to failure. To start with it was a bit tricky with two crutches and a trolley but soon realised I could hop, hang onto the trolley and put the crutches on top of the shopping. The wheels moved freely so through doing that I could get up a bit of speed up and down the aisles.

Danielle walked beside me with Mattaya in another trolley giving me a spotter in case I fell. I managed quite well considering. I limited my route around the shop by getting all the veg at the same time and then all the dairy stuff so I did not need to cover my tracks. However, by the time I reached the checkout I was done in. I never imagined shopping to be so exhausting. On my way round the shop so many people offered their support and asked what I had done. It was quite a social outing, even en route to the exit, I was asked if I wanted help with the trolley. The world really is a lovely place. Danielle brought the car round to the door and by that time I was really thankful I did not have to get to the parked car. Perhaps a Tesco Express would have been more manageable in retrospect. 

The way home was fraught. Mattaya was hungry and let us know - constantly. There was loads of shopping to be brought in but most importantly we needed to get a starving soul fed. We managed it. Once you have a happy baby, everything else is possible. The big downside of my grand day out was that I had hurt my other heel so much I could not stand up. I spent two days walking on my hands and knees for the most part and even now it is more painful than my bad leg. Silly me!

When I was getting in the car to set off to the shop my neighbour ran out to me. He thought I had fallen off my bike. I always say what a lovely village I live in. He offered to help if I needed anything. Even the pub jokingly said they could wheel me home in a wheelbarrow. 

A full set of crutches plus

Diane and Jeremy came round on Friday for coffee and then a trip to the pub. Before this op I never considered popping to the pub as part of my training regimen but now I realise how much effort I need to garner to get through the door, I’ll certainly include it in my new training programme when I am back on two feet. 

And so, this coming week I am off to hospital once more and this means I will be able to put weight on my bad leg. I can’t wait. I imagine life to be so much better on two legs however dodgy they may be. The biggest problem with this operation is fear of rupturing the repair of the tendon. That is why it takes so long. Patience is something I don’t possess in any quantity, unfortunately.